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May 11, 2010
When I was counselor at a Junior High School parents often came in saying, "He/She won't listen to a thing I say. What can I do?" I often wanted to reply. "You started wrong." I don't say that, of course, because most parents truly want to be good parents. They are afraid that their child won't like them or that someone will find fault with them.
Parenting isn't easy. Think about why children have parents. God didn't just arrange babies to be little and helpless with nobody to care for them. He gave that child parents. Children are like a blank page and the adults around them constantly write on that page. If one day a parent says "No, you can't do that," and then the next day they allow their child to do whatever it was that received a No the day before, it sends the child a mixed message. You think that if on your job, your boss said on Monday that he wanted you to do a certain job in a certain way and you followed his orders and felt good about it. The next day you would start right in doing the same way, but today the boss said "No, no, that's not what I want you to do. Do it this way." Soon you would be so confused that you didn't know how to do anything to please him so you become an uncaring worker. You feel that there isn't any use since nothing pleases him anyway. The same is true with children. You are the most important people in your children's lives. They want to please you but if you aren't consistent, that is have the same rules for that action every day then soon the child rebels becasue he or she can never please you.
Parents should not have lots of rules but they should be consistent when they make a rule and should always follow through on what you tell your children. I have found that pointing up the things they do that pleases you gets better results than punishing for misconduct. Why not make a chart with these rules: Cleaning up after yourself gets a star every time, Brushing teeth gets 2 stars, Using good language gets 3 stars, showing respect gets 4 stars. You get the idea. Create your own rules but put your chart in a prominent place so the child and everyone can see all the stars he/she has received.
Try this and I believe you will be pleasantly surprised by the results. Remember though, that if you are not consistent you will be wasting your time. It will be just like all the other times you have said "No" and then within the hour given in. Don't say "No" unless you mean it and don't threaten. Be calm, be fair, and above all BE CONSISTENT.
May, 2010: Adda Leah Davis has a new web site at GoldenHarvestCreations.com. It has been a long time coming but her site is not updated and ready to help those looking for quality Christian writing. Stay tuned for more news from Addie as she continues to bless folks with her wonderful works.
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